denied

 why am i denied those things i long for so desperately?

Is it too much to ask to be in good health at my age

to be rewarded with stability taking into account all this things i do day in day out

to reach a health level that seems to be so natural for others at my age even if they drink and smoke and give a shit about their nutrition?

How come i am still fighting while others are just doing fine?

Am i mentally fucked up so much that i hold myself imprisoned regardless of all the things i do?